Ever not know why you were compelled to do something? Maybe it was doing something good for you (like you just craved and had to have a salad) or maybe it was something bad for you (like making a u-turn into rush hour traffic because you saw a doughnut shop.) Well every year I am compelled to lose weight. I wake up and look in the mirror and realize I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been then I start a rigorous diet and exercise plan…for about a month. I see results; I stop. I keep the weight off for a while but eventually I stop going to the gym. I eventually start telling myself I’ve “earned” that 2nd glass of sugary, calorie-filled, delicious red wine and the cheese… and prosciutto… Before I know it I can’t figure out why my favorite skinny jeans are giving me the dreaded muffin top.
It’s an endless cycle of self-loathing turned self-love turned back to self-loathing. It’s vicious. And for me, quite frankly, it’s cliche. So in my quest to obtain and reveal the secrets of true happiness I’ve determined that some cycles or habits must be broken. I’m compelled (ah that word again) to break this emotion filled eating habit and in order to do so I have to break up with food.
Now don’t get me wrong…I’m not going to stop eating. Anorexia and Bulimia are illnesses and I feel deeply for anyone suffering from them. My relationship with food is unhealthy on the opposite scale. When it comes to me and food I’m the crazy girlfriend hiding in the bushes to see if food is cheating on me…I stalk food. I will focus my whole day around food. I’m an addict and I have to quit, cold turkey *wink* see?
In our break up, we will still be friends but the phrase I’ve found myself reciting over and over again is “everything in moderation.” While I don’t take that to mean I can have everything, I know I have to change my thinking around what I eat. I have to care more about what I put in my body (my temple) and I have to stop being compelled to eat whatever and whenever I want. Meals can’t be planned on emotions.
This won’t be an overnight change but I will share my wins and losses. Bear with me, I get cranky over food. Stay tuned!